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Posts Tagged ‘gratitude’

I’ve been visiting my mother in my hometown for the last several days.  It is good to be here – I am getting a much needed period of rest and renewal as my mother is helping considerably with my daughter.  The best thing about my trip thus far has been reconnecting with two friends – one relatively new who reminds me of my unencumbered college and graduate school days, and one a lifelong friend and kindred spirit.

I am learning some things on my trip.  My childhood friend is reminding me yet again about the importance of faith.  She is encouraging of me and inspiring to me.  She is my daughter’s Godmother because I admire her dedication to faith.  She recently left the Catholic Church and has joined a United Church of Christ congregation.  She is fired up about it and her pastor.  I asked if I could attend services with her tomorrow morning and she was elated to share her church with me.  She even suggested that I might talk to her pastor if I am interested.  I’m really looking forward to the service and to see how it feels to me.

Since talking with this friend on Wednesday I have been praying consistently before bed.  She inspired me to return to this practice and it feels very good and natural right now.  At the moment I am headcovering while praying (and will tomorrow for church) but not the rest of the time.

With my newer friend I am cutting loose a little.  I let my mother babysit and went to a party she threw.  I had a great time and really liked her friends.  It reminded me a great deal of my former life – those days I thought I was missing because my life is currently consumed by Mommyhood… and I found that although it was fun to unwind and be irresponsible for a few hours, I was happy to return to my settled life.  I do not regret anything about my life.  I love my husband and I love my daughter.  It was a great blessing for me to have this opportunity to be reminded about how much I have and how little I would desire to trade my life for another.

My daughter has been blossoming during her time here and is starting to comprehend language and play interactive games.  She has been a joy to observe.  I was feeling a bit disconnected from her before the trip and now I feel close again.

I am understanding that what I need is more balance in my life.  I need to be Mommy and also a person alone.  My marriage needs times when we are a couple alone.  I have let my interests fall too much to the wayside.  I don’t know the solution yet, but when I return home I intend to pay attention to finding balance in my life and life-roles.

Unfortunately being here around so many old friends and acquaintances (and my mother) I have indulged in a fair amount of gossip that I am not proud of and regret.  I do not want to be this person.  Tomorrow I am going to endeavor to practice mindfulness and right speech.  Tomorrow I intend to refrain from gossip and judgmental speech.  One day may seem like a small goal, but I need to start small.  This may be a hard one for me.

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